Becoming the Parent My Child Needs Pt 1

Dear Blog,

Happy New Year!

It seems like ages since I last wrote to you. In the past one to two years, all of our lives have been toggled and disrupted by a virus that has affected the entire world. While we all try to manage ourselves and all the changes that have come along, I too have been going through all sorts of my own changes.

The first of them is my eldest child who initially came out to me as non-binary (pronouns they/them) in 2020 right smack in the middle of the lockdown! Well, until last month, that was the heaviest load I have had to carry as their parent. But in December they told me that they are actually transgender, pronouns she/her/they.

When I first heard the news, I cried a lot! Yes, I CRIED! Not because I hadn’t always known they are gay, but because I didn’t know what non-binary meant, and just as I was beginning to wrap my head around it, they dropped a new bomb! So, rather than admit that I was afraid, I chucked it up to my not understanding what it all meant and I pushed back!

I didn’t want it to be true! I didn’t want them to have to deal with yet another negative checkmark to their name. They are already Black, assigned male at birth, and gay! So, I cried like a baby, for hours after the news came in. I cried and cried.

As parents, we have to see that we are in charge of allowing ourselves to feel feelings at the moment, allow them in, process them, so we can move on. Parenting an LGBTQ+ kid is that much HARDER! It is! My challenge to you is, what if it’s simpler than you think? What would that be like? Who would you have to become?

What if you could remove that pressure of trying to hold it together, and simply take control of your thoughts and emotions? What if you could do that? I am inviting you to allow yourself to feel the heaviness in your chest if you have to, stay with it for a bit, and then take action.

That said, unfortunately, my child told me I did not handle the news “correctly”, they said I did not react the way I should have. They said I made a BIG mistake! Sadly, that is not my first time. I also was not as supportive when they first came out as gay, so, that was three counts against me.

Now that the dust is settling a bit, I have decided to share about the mistakes that we parents make (mistakes that I made) when our kids invite us into their queer world. What about you? How did you handle your child coming out? How would you handle it? Would you know what to do? Would you like to know what to do?

If this is something that could interest you, then please join us on January 29th, 2022 at 6pm CST for the first of my monthly masterclass series this year! If you are interested, click this link and sign up.

It promises to be worth it. We shall go through the basics, and then discuss our own mistakes and how we handle them, and set the tone for the forgiveness of self, each other, and then move forward. Let’s get together and learn together. As you know, making mistakes is not the problem, rather, not learning from our mistakes is.

Wanna join us? Click here, and I’ll see you inside!

PS: If you know someone who will benefit from this class, please share the information. Spread the love.

PPS: Stay tuned for part 2, next week.

PSS: Happy New Year again!!

Published by

wordsbyblackbutterfly

My name is Dr. Lulu aka The Momatrician. I am a board-certified pediatrician, a mom, and a wife. But in my spare time, I am also a teen coach, physician coach, and dabble in parent coaching as well. I love helping people. That is why I coach all these different kinds of people. I am an empath to the core, but I am realizing that compassion is a much better trait to possess, and self-compassion is the ultimate trait of all. I am a 2020 TEDx and a United Nations speaker. Besides writing and speaking, one more fun thing I love to do is podcasting (My podcast is called Suicide Pages.) I interview regular people who have been touched by trauma, suicide, or significant mental health challenges. All three of my books are best sellers. My most recent: How to Teach Your Children About Racism, was born in 2020 in response to the civil unrest following George Floyd's murder. I try to stay busy, and love working in my garden and reading. What about you? Who are you? What do you like to do? Very nice to meet you. Dr. L

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