Do You See Me? Do You Know Me??

Do you see me?

Do you know me??

 

When you call me names

And pull at my hair

Drag my backpack

And mess up my books

Do you see me?

 

When you push me and punch me

And tell tall tales about me

When you jeer each time I pass by

Do you see my tears?

 

When my head pounds and my heart aches 

My pulse races and my hands sweat

At the thought of waking up…

…to another school day,

Do you even care?

 

When my back hurts and my stomach cramps

My lips swell and my shins sting

And both eyes are black

From your punches and kicks

Do you feel my pain?

 

When I cry alone in my room

And refuse mom’s best meals,

When I cut my wrists and cut my thighs…

…in tiny slits by day and by night

So as not to feel the hurt you cause

Do you know that?

 

Have you known a pain so deep

From being left out and all alone

When y’all don’t look at me, play with me or even speak to me,

When y’all sneer at me and make fun of me,

Do you know what that’s like?

 

Did you know that my stomaches never go away,

My leg pains don’t get better

My sadness has led to depression

And now I want out?

 

Al have you know that

I won’t tell anyone,

I can’t tell anyone because

They don’t really care,

They don’t want to help

And they can’t really help.

 

I want to end it all

 

Do you know that I have thoughts?

Thoughts about killing myself,

Thoughts I’d be better off dead

Thoughts about getting a gun

Thoughts about using a knife?

 

I also have other thoughts

Thoughts about getting even

Thoughts about ending your life

Thoughts about getting it done

Ending your life and mine

 

Do you know that

When you tease me daily,

When you mock me and make me feel small…

…invisible and insignificant

I want badly to get even?

 

Do you know I have a plan?

I want to show you that

I am strong

I COULD hurt you

I CAN bounce back

And I WOULD hurt you

Like you hurt me

 

Yes, I want to hurt you

And ensure you are not here when I am done

You will have a hole in your heart

You will hurt, like I hurt

You will pay for all my pain

Yes, that’s my plan.

 

But you know don’t you?

That I will NOT carry out my plan

That I will NOT hurt you back.

 

But, one thing is for certain,

I will not let you hurt me again, EVER!

I will put an end to it

I will…

…today.

 

 

 

To all who have been hurt by bullies everywhere,

I see you.

BB

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…your sister, your kindred in depression.

Dear Blog,

I am Nigerian, your sister, your kindred in depression.
I too have been there, and I was also suicidal.

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Yes, I am a pediatrician, a veteran, a wife, a mom, a sister, friend, daughter, lover of life-life of the party.
But when I was down, none of these titles came to save me.
I felt my whole entire world crashing on me, and I wanted out.
I have three children, but they did not count
I have parents, and siblings, but they did not count,
I had a great enviable Lt. Col job in the USAF, it did not count,
I have a nice house, fancy cars, cool clothes, badass shoes, they didn’t count
Nothing I owned, counted,
I simply wanted out.
I am at a better place now, because someone heard my cry
She heard my voice, she listened,
She acted,
I survived.
And now am here…
Fighting.
Daily, speaking out, making eye contact, hugging one person at a time.
It will be done.
There will be no more suicides, no more hurt, no more pain.

BB

PS: My website dedicated to fighting teen depression and teen suicide, teenalive.com is LIVE, click the link to check it out!

 

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