The month of September is the halfway mark for the 50th anniversary of my birth.
Today, I am reminded that I am #Becoming a new me, a more fulfilled me, a more conscientious, mindful, freer and more productive me.
As I look back at the past 6months, I see a lot of change, a lot of progress and a lot of challenges that have been on my path, and I see myself as a woman conquering.
As I look into the future, I see my dreams on the verge of fulfillment, it is going to be a mix of uncomfortable, inconvenient, uncertainty, pain, and who knows what more.
My ever-constant companions, fear, and doubt, still rear their ugly heads from time to time. Tugging at me, distracting me, taunting me…all the way.
Have I accomplished everything I set out to do this year? No.
Do I still believe the future I dreamed for myself is attainable? Hell Yeah!’
Am I going to go forth, afraid? I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Isn’t that the definition of courage? Going forth…albeit afraid?
One kid is a senior in college; the other, a sophomore in college; the baby in high school. A blog, a bestseller, a parent and teen workshop, speaking engagements, a podcast (another in the making), two brand new side gigs and a brand new private practice, all in the space of one year, ain’t too shabby if I might say so myself.
For once, I refused to listen to the bully inside my head. The one that goes about telling me lies, telling me I am not good enough, not girl enough, not woman enough, not man enough, not Black enough, not White enough, not… simply put, I am just not enough.
I also refused to listen to those that said I couldn’t do any of these things successfully, what more doing them all!
I quickly realized this past year that friends and family are sometimes worse than strangers and foes, and strangers are sometimes better than friends and family.
Many still think me a fool for helping others along the way…for free. Many think I have the formula wrong because I am not charging $$ for “every small thing”.
To them I say, was it not given to me freely? Is money really the heart of everything? When do you then use your heart to help? Only when you get paid? Ha!
Neither one of us can take that money with us. None of us can add one single day to our lives with all the money we (shall) acquire.
So, what’s the fuss?
I shall go forth, loving myself more, caring for myself more, even daring to praise myself more. I am, and should (after all) always be my own self’s best cheerleader.
It has been a long hard road to that realization…so…
Never again will I critique myself negatively. Constructively? Yes.
Never again will I allow my inner bully to convince me I am not enough. I might not be good enough at somethings, but I am darned great at many things.
Never again will I allow others to dictate my direction for me. Guide me? Maybe.
Henceforth, I will allow myself to fail as often as is needed because failure, to me, is now nothing but fuel for success.
It is a chance to say to myself “maybe things weren’t supposed to end that way”, “maybe we should regroup and retry”, “maybe just maybe”. After all, none of us can see the future.
We are all work in progress, but we must get out of our own way.
In the end, I have realized that… I was good enough yesterday, I am good enough today, and I shall be good enough tomorrow, as long as I continue to believe in my process of #Becoming.
“If you want to go somewhere you have never gone before, you must be prepared to do something you have never done before” ~ Lisa Nichols
BB
Words by Black Butterfly 